“Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.”
I was walking out of the ICU with my mom after visiting my father who suffered a massive stroke and who is in a coma right now. I look up to see a very angelic looking woman. She has these crystal blue eyes and a comforting presence to her. My mom said hi to her and introduced me to her. I will call her Linda. Her son (let’s call him Matthew) is a few doors down from my dad. Matthew has autisim and has suffered many seizures. He had been in a coma for almost 3 months. He opened his eyes a few days prior. I asked if I could give her a hug, a warm hug from one mother to another. Linda proceeded to hug me and my mom. I saw this strength in her and a peaceful spirit. She comforted both me and my mom. We did our part in comforting her as well. We prayed for one another. It was this beautiful exchange of spirit, a soul to soul connection that we all need, especially in times like these. After leaving her presence I felt that everything would be ok.
I don’t quite understand why things happen the way they do. Some people say why and how cruel and unfair that these things should happen. I try my best not to go into that space, although it’s very challenging at times. I do my best to be grateful for all the time that I did have with my father. Every morning he would call me and say “I love you, I love you, I love you”. I can still hear his voice inside my head.
I try to remember the memories we shared. A few days ago, I held his hand and I talked to him about my childhood and the days he took me to the park to feed the ducks. He would buy me vanilla ice cream and we would watch all the birds fly by. He would even catch a pigeon with his bare hands and I would laugh in delight. I think that is where my love for animals grew, especially for birds.
I will eventually paint a portrait of my dad when I am ready. For now I will envision him surrounded by light and angels. I will pray that he is in a peaceful place and no matter what happens he will forever be in my heart. We cannot hold on to anyone or anything forever. We are just passengers on this ride called life. Enjoy every moment you have with your loved ones. Don’t take them for granted. I gave my mom a big hug today and told her I admired her strength and resilience and I told her that I loved her. And in my heart I imagined hugging my dad again and telling him “I love you, I love you, I love you”.